


Till You Come Back Home

by subcutaneous7



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9565064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subcutaneous7/pseuds/subcutaneous7
Summary: Set after episode 2.10, "We Can Be Heroes," right after Mon El walks out of Kara’s apartment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be taking a break from the Internet for my mental health, but I wrote this and it's been burning inside me and I just need to put it out there. It’s set after last week’s Livewire episode. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading. I'll be back soon.

The silence rang loudly in Kara's ears, stinging like a thousand decibels as she sat still, staring blankly at the door.  
  
All she could do was breath, remind her eyes to blink when required, and refuse to fall apart. He didn't deserve it. _She_ didn't deserve it, but she also didn't know why it hurt this much.  
  
_Hurt._ Was that even the right word? This wasn't the first time she'd been left alone with this kind of mess, the aftermath of someone else's desires and regrets poured out on the table in front of her like she was supposed to know what to do with them, how to arrange the pieces and hand it all back. With Winn, at least she was able to voice something, anything, even if it had crushed him temporarily. With James, it was harder. It took longer to figure out why she didn't feel the same way, but the rejection part was easier, or so she thought. Now, it turned out she'd lost them both, her two closest friends lying, choosing to walk away, to put themselves in danger, not caring about anything but their own egos and the selfish need to prove themselves at the highest cost. She couldn't watch it unfold if they weren't willing to listen, to at least learn alongside her instead of charging out on their own. Then again, she hadn't even given them that option.  
  
Kara buried her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes, clutching her cheekbones as she rested her elbows on the table, resisting the urge to scream. Everything was changing so fast, even the good change felt like whiplash. She was so happy for Alex. She already loved Maggie like another sister, but it was still change. There was less time together as a family, more time left in solitude. And there, in that lonely space, was Mon El.  
  
Every moment they spent together sent up a million red flags, and yet, it felt familiar, comforting in a way she couldn't explain without sounding weak or needy or damaged. There was nothing about him that made her feel good or supported or better than she was before he came into her life, but there he was. He was there when other people weren't, when everyone else had their own lives and callings and demons to conquer. He wanted to help her, even if he didn't know how, and more importantly, he wanted _her_. And the truth was, she wanted to be wanted. Just not by him.  
  
That's why this sick, sinking feeling came when he told her. That's why she felt the impulse to run, even if she had coaxed it out of him, demanded he tell her the real reason he wanted to be partners. Because the truth, while flattering and warming and reassuring on some level, was still not enough, but he hadn't even given her the chance to make that decision, to come to her own conclusions. Instead, he chose to spill his guts, tell her to forget it all, pretend it never happened, leaving her once again, more alone than she'd ever felt.  
  
She sighed deeply, pushing away from the table, slowly making her way towards the bedroom, shrugging off her jacket as she flopped onto the bed. She knew she should sleep. That always made her feel better, even if she woke up still not having the answers to fix everything that was broken. But instead, she found herself scanning her phone, sifting through text messages, facing the urge to make one more call, one more attempt at the connection she craved before calling it a night.  
  
The phone rang, and rang some more. Panic began to sink in again, until finally, she heard the line pick up.  
  
"Yes, I'm still alive," Cat teased. "No thanks to Supergirl."  
  
"I know you would have done the same thing," Kara argued, undoing her ponytail, letting her hair fan out across the bed. "And Supergirl wouldn't have let her go if she didn't know with absolute certainty you'd be safe."  
  
"How can she be so sure of that?"  
  
"Oh, she has her ways," Kara insisted.  
  
"Mhmmm," Cat smirked. "Please tell Supergirl she needs to stop using you as a go between. It's getting old. Besides, it's about time she joined the rest of us in the twenty-first century. I can get her an endorsement deal with Verizon and she'll never have to pay a thing for long distance calls."  
  
"I'll be sure to relay the offer," Kara laughed, rolling onto her side, biting her lip a little as she stared out the window, doing her best to keep the tears in check. "Ms. Grant..."  
  
"Yes?" she hummed playfully from much too far away. "What is it? I know that tone. The crinkle in your forehead is furrowed and you're looking out on the city, worrying about something. Tell me."  
  
"It's just..." she exhaled, clutching a pillow to her chest. "Everything is...so much harder...since you left."  
  
"Is Snapper being an ass again?" she clipped. "I told you not to listen to every idiotic thing that prick let's fall out of his balding, mouth-breathing..."  
  
"No, it's...not that," Kara stopped her. "Snapper's actually been better lately. This is more...personal."  
  
"I see," she swallowed. "Personal as in...the ever elusive Kara Danvers love life I'm always trying to scoop? Please. Do tell."  
  
Kara hesitated. She knew this wasn't a good idea, but couldn't stop herself.  
  
"There was..." she began shakily. "...a boy here tonight. A man," she corrected quickly, straightening her shoulders. "Even if he doesn't always act like one."  
  
"Not James?"  
  
Kara sighed, tracing her fingers across the pillow. She and Cat had been texting, calling off and on since she left, keeping it mostly to business, updates on Cat's travels, how Carter was doing with his tutors. With the exception of this latest flurry about Livewire, she hadn't really updated her about her own life or the people in it, both new and old, or how much things had shifted.  
  
"No," she answered. "Not...not James."  
  
"So there's already someone new," Cat spoke quietly.  
  
"No, there's...he's not..." this was a lot harder than she expected. "I don't know why I feel like...we're almost _supposed_ to be together. Like that's what everyone expects, because we come from the same...we're so...similar. But also different! Very, very different. And he makes me feel...like he doesn't listen. He's self-absorbed and headstrong and not in a good way, in a really, really terrible, shitty, way actually..."  
  
"Well he's making you curse," Cat noted, a bit jealously. "So that's something."  
  
"No, it's _not_ ," Kara groaned. "It's not...not anything I want. Not safe or healthy or...right for me. I know that now. I'm not as dim or naive as everyone thinks I am about these things."  
  
"I've never thought that," Cat assured, so much softer than Kara had ever heard her, it made her skin tingle where the phone rested against it.  
  
"Thank you," she exhaled, closing her eyes, resting her hand on her chest. "It's just...he's here...when no one else is, and...I need that. I need...someone."  
  
"Why does it have to be him?" Cat insisted. "If he makes you crazy, and not in a good way, run Kara, don't walk. That is not the kind of relationship you want to get caught up in, believe me."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No buts," Cat interrupted, a little more firmly. "If you're going to tell me these things, you're going to have to hear what I think, and I think you know that I care about you too much to watch you give your power away to some emotionally stunted, manipulative man child who doesn't deserve to inhabit the same planet as you, let alone...do anything else."  
  
Kara couldn't help but laugh curiously, shaking her head as she covered her lips with her fingers.  
  
"That's...I didn't say he was manipulative. How did you..."  
  
"I just know," she sneered. "They're all the same. Every last one."  
  
"Isn't that...just a little bit sexist?"  
  
"Not really," she continued. "If you want someone to be there, to listen, you don't need a man. You certainly don't need _him_ , but you already know that."  
  
"Right," Kara sat up, taking in every word. "But then..."  
  
"I'll listen," she offered softly, matter-of-factly. " I can be there...when you need me to be."  
  
The words hit Kara somewhere deep within, burning her insides, soothing a sore spot she was reluctant to admit she'd been nursing.  
  
"Yeah, except..." she sighed, pulling her knees to her stomach. "...you're not."  
  
"Only because you didn't ask me to be," Cat reminded. "You didn't want to let me in. Not in the way you really needed."  
  
Kara's mouth fell open. She felt her skin getting damp, flushing as she fell back again against the mattress.  
  
"Are we..." she swallowed, hard. "...are we talking about..."  
  
"Supergirl."  
  
"Oh," Kara cleared her throat, covering her eyes, hiding from her own silly assumptions. "Right...of...of course that's..."  
  
"What else would we be talking about?"  
  
"I..." she couldn't come up with the words. "I...I think...I should probably go."  
  
Cat was silent, save for the sound of her breath. Kara wished to god she could see through the phone, know what her face was doing, how she was holding herself, but there was no guarantee that would make things any easier to verbalize.  
  
"Hmm," Cat finally sighed. "It is getting late."  
  
"I just...wanted to make sure you were safe."  
  
"Of course," Cat breathed. "Don't worry. If I wasn't, I'm sure you'd be the first to know."  
  
More silence. Kara felt like she was waiting for more defensiveness, for her to continue denying that she and Supergirl were one in the same, that there was no go between. Instead, she said nothing, and that in and of itself was more than she'd ever been able to give. It was a start.  
  
"Kara?"  
  
"Yes?" she answered quickly.  
  
"Don't...rush into anything," she told her, though it sounded more like a request than a suggestion. "Things...can change...very quickly. You can have anything...everything...you deserve. Remember that."  
  
Kara sat with the heaviness, the subtle and not-so-subtle meaning to her words, wanting so badly to dive, but instead, just listening, letting them sink in, saving them for another day, for when the time was right.  
  
"Okay," she nodded, biting her lip again. "I'll...remember. Thank you."  
  
"Call me again soon," Cat swallowed. "Even if there isn't another homicidal ex-employee on the loose."  
  
"I will," Kara sniffed, wiping her eyes. "Take care, Cat."  
  
"You too," Cat sighed. "Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
Kara closed her eyes, letting the phone fall next to her, smiling to herself as she turned back to her view of the city.  
  
_This_ , she thought, is a good feeling. Even if it was new. Even if it didn't make sense, even if there was little hope of seeing it through. But it felt good. _She_ felt good, and that, for tonight, was enough.


End file.
